Autism Every Day

Hi all! So yesterday this video popped up on my Facebook news feed. I really enjoyed watching it because it's a great example of what parents of kids on the spectrum go through on a daily basis. The spectrum is so vast and every child has their own unique "symptoms." And while every parent's experience is different than the next, there is one common theme; ASD doesn't take a day off. 

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Total bullshit, right!? I mean, some days I don't want to pack everyone in the car only to listen to Max scream "Chuck E. Cheese!!" at full volume, over and over and over until he completely exhausts himself in a pile of tears. Some days I want to take the boys to a local event, or the park, or the beach (really, anywhere!) without having to worry about Max wandering off with a stranger, or into a body of water, or out into traffic, or right in front of a kid swinging at full speed on a swing (how can he NOT see them???). And some days I definitely don't want to listen to him recite the same lines of his favorite videos over...and over...and over...and over again.

I have good days and bad. Some days I laugh at my son's behavior (I mean, what the hell is going on in that little head of his!?). Some days I cry. I cry for myself, I cry for my husband, I cry for Max's little brother, and I cry for Max. We are all affected. We have all had something taken from us because of this wacky disorder. On the other hand, we have all been given an opportunity to experience life in a very unique, albeit challenging, way. I guess that's pretty cool (gotta stay positive!). 

The women in this video are amazing and brave. Seeing them go through some of the things I go through makes me feel...better? I'm not the only mom whose (almost) 5 year old is still not potty trained (please, kill me now!). I'm not the only mom who worries about the looks from strangers when Max is making weird sounds, flapping his little hands around making strange gestures and generally just being...himself. I'm not the only mom who gets their hair randomly pulled (Max loves to pull one strand at a time, FUN!) and I'm not the only mom who worries that their child may never fall in love, get married and have children (let the sadness reign). These women are my crew, my squad, my mom gang, even though we've never met. 

I thank my lucky stars that Max doesn't exhibit some of the behaviors that children on the more severe end of the spectrum do. But the feelings of hurt, frustration, sadness, loss, they all resonate. They all worm their way into my head and my heart on the daily. Sometimes I succumb to those feelings and cry it out (it helps!), some days I am a grump about it (sorry, Ben). But every day I am grateful for my little guy. I may have no clue what he is thinking, how he is feeling or how to deal with his behaviors, but I'll continue striving to be like these women, trudging up that mountain of uncertainty, not knowing what is on the other side but willing to take it on for the sake of love.